help me write my book

[The NFL Shield At Midfield]

 

She looked at me. “You play something then.”

 

I tuned up and played All Apologies an octave higher than the album and she didn’t know the song and then Matt took her back and banged her, and that was kind of my life.

 

brings back memories

 

"oh you play guitar?  play me something!"

 

"uh um eh okay"

 

*megadeth riffs*

[TheRumGone]

brings back memories

"oh you play guitar? play me something!"

"uh um eh okay"

*megadeth riffs*

Yes fade to black didn't go over too well lol

[Anybodyhome]

Id lend my two cents, but I'm reading well-known movie director John Water's best seller "Carsick" right now. And his book is about stepping out of his Baltimore apartment door and hitchhiking across the country in 8 days and 21 rides or something like that last year.

 

Wouldn't want one to influence the other.... although they may be very dissimilar. 

[KJ89]

I found myself skimming a lot, particularly the mapping and poo like Cat said, but I have the attention span of a bean and definitely enjoyed it. It's engaging.

points for the Nirvana reference.

[mav1234]

Philly, do you have Word?  And what kind of editing do you want/not want?  Do you want me to avoid editing for mechanics and just focus on style commentary?

[PhillyB]

Philly, do you have Word?  And what kind of editing do you want/not want?  Do you want me to avoid editing for mechanics and just focus on style commentary?

 

mechanics are clunky, mainly because i wrote it in thematic blocks and kind of dropped them into place. i will be altering that today as i make adjustments largely based on the feedback i've gotten here, hopefully streamlining the thing into a more naturally-flowing narrative.

 

that said, whatever thoughts you have, let 'em fly. i am mainly interested in criticism of voice and prose (whether it's engaging, whether it's annoying, whether it's distracting, whether it's skimmable, gripping, overdone, spare, whatever) and, structurally, whether or not those three chapters accomplish their goals of investing you, the reader, in me, the protagonist, and sufficiently explaining my decision to go to australia in a satisfactory manner that contrasts the conflict between old worldview (materialism) and new worldview (immaterialism i guess) and the action that stemmed from it (deciding to do something crazy like go to australia) without being overly sanitized or preachy.

 

edit: the original manuscript was written in word, but i exported it to scrivener, which is a superior writing tool for a project of this nature. i'll probably switch it back over once i'm done since it's a more standardized processor.

[PhillyB]

also: what do you guys think of swearing? i don't want to be gratuitous, but flavoring particles (as i prefer to call them) can be strategically used to convey emotion, and i attempt to texture my prose with it when appropriate, mostly in my non-audible reactions to circumstances.

 

it doesn't help that the forum corrects fug and poo as far as flow, but would you say it works or is it at odds with the writing/what you expect out of it?

[Cat]

I'd limit the swearing and the slang.

[Chimera]

Four letter words don't bother me, but they do tend to lose the effectiveness you're going for with overuse.

But imo calling your dad "a complete shithead" probably shouldn't stay in there.

[mav1234]

also: what do you guys think of swearing? i don't want to be gratuitous, but flavoring particles (as i prefer to call them) can be strategically used to convey emotion, and i attempt to texture my prose with it when appropriate, mostly in my non-audible reactions to circumstances.

 

it doesn't help that the forum corrects fug and poo as far as flow, but would you say it works or is it at odds with the writing/what you expect out of it?

 

I'd try to keep slang out when possible.

 

Also, I asked RE: Word because my preference is to mark up documents in it with comments and stuff.  I don't know Scrivener's capabilities in that regard.

[frash.exe]

I would leave the swearing in for the direct quotes, but as the narrator, I wouldn't be dropping f-bombs on every line.

[Porn Shop Clerk]

i use open office for my writing

 

the swearing thing depends on your target audience

[Porn Shop Clerk]

if i read this philly then you have to read my coming of age tale about blossoming young romance set during an apocalyptic deconstruction of the earth by alien warlords that are raping it for raw materials

[Hawk]

throw a little swear word in here and there for affect!!!! 

 

you been to Canada in your travels at all Philly?  Specifically western Canada as the east doesn't really count!