help me write my book

[CarolinaNCSU]

During the guitar room anecdote, all I could think about was this 

 

 

 

Only read Chapter 1 so far, but it's easy to read and flows well. Some of the sentences are long as poo though which may need to be avoided. I'm no grammar expert, but I can't imagine this (basically your first sentence in Chapter 1) being right

 

"It’s amazing how something otherwise mundane, a smell, a breeze, a particular combination of temperature and sound, maybe the note of a song, can transport you instantly back to a specific moment in time, (End sentence, start new?) a moment so vivid, so powerful, so real, fully engaged in the senses, every memory, every wistful glance, every ache, every cut, every plan, every dash of excitement and pang of fear as real and full and present as it was on the day of its birth."

 

 

Can't wait to read more or hopefully buy this thing.

[PandaPancake]

Hmm, my red marker doesn't seem to hold on the forum and now I need a new computer screen.

I'll look at it when I'm on a real computer. Thanks for at least sharing with us.

Sent from my XT1080 using CarolinaHuddle mobile app

[Darth Biscuit]

I liked it Philly...  2nd chapter is nice.  Your writing style is interesting and flows well.  Chapter one did make me want to read on to chapter 2.

 

The parts about your dad, the conflict especially, was engaging.  Maybe I just like that kind of thing, idk...

 

 

I guess my question going into reading it is... why am I going to buy this book?  What's it about?  I mean, it's obvious it's about you and your experiences leading up to and surrounding your trip, but why am I going to pick it up off the shelf to look at it?  

 

What's the title, or do you know?

 

 

I guess the only other question I would have is are those the real names of people?  Not that it really matters one way or the other, except that it may piss them off.

[Bronn]

"I hurried inside to drop off a load..."

Man, I hate when that happens...

 

 

But yeah man, I think you're off to an excellent start. I wanted to read more.

If I had to nitpick anything so far, it would be simple grammatical things like comma over usage and a couple "choice of words" type things. Also, I wouldn't get too tangential. I don't think you have at this point, but I can see the ability to do so kinda in there somewhere. Maybe how you handle some of your brief sections of dialogue could be handled a little differently. I sometimes felt like they might kinda break up some of the good you had going with just the first person storytelling.

I'm not too keen on non-fiction type stuff, so I don't know how using real life names of people and companies can come back to bite you or anything, but I would look into it just in case.

I really appreciate your prose, and the words you choose to use. You paint a good picture with words, and that is something I can appreciate as a fan of fiction.

There's obviously talent in there, and I enjoyed reading all of that. I would definitely be interested in the rest of the story.

 

Keep up the good work!
 

[Montsta]

I would avoid the use of certain words in your writing, otherwise it can be tough for a reader to take you seriously. Where you say I don't know the first fuging thing, or so I don't look like a tool, I'd edit that. You disconnect with the reader when you talk in a way that gets them immediately conflicted with your writing style.

I have only read the first chapter and think you've done an excellent job so far.

Well done Philly.

[Troy17289TD]

I have a friend that is a professional free-lance editor and would be a potential resource. Just throwing that out there, if you are interested.

http://cseditorial.com/

Sent from my iPhone using CarolinaHuddle

[Kevin Greene]

Where are the pictures of boobies?

[stirs]

Finally had the time to read all three chapters.

 

A few observations

 

I agree with Darth that there needs to be more of a purpose set out for the book.  Title alone might set the course, but what are you trying to convey?  Are you running toward Australia or as far away as you can from something else?

 

I did not like the first chapter nearly as much as I liked the next two.  First chapter seemed to draw many conclusions, which might have no ultimate redeeming quality as far as your trek, but, could as Monsta said, lose some of your audience.  Sometimes you can say things without saying them

 

I overlooked the gramatical errors as I know this is just a first swipe.

 

The second chapter started to actually develop a story, at that point, I was intrigued.

[Chimera]

What Stirs said^

I felt Chapters 2 and 3 were much more enjoyable to read. However, I believe you laid the foundations for your book in Chapter 1 and got away a little bit.

Overall, the narrative is excellent - you paint a picture well enough to give readers the details yet still makes them use their imagination. You've balanced it very well in that regard. It's written in a way that keeps the reader interested.

[stirs]

Developing chapter one, in my opinion would be key to the book, (as is true with all books)

The hurt and the remedy?

 

Maybe the episode with your Dad at 10 could be told as a backdrop when he said he wish you'd never been born.

How you chose travel as the remedy?  Or is it just a wanderlust of sorts.

 

Develop the cause of the trip more. again without telling it, let it be deduced

 

I took off after college and worked at a ranch in Wyoming for 4 months, then hitchhiked home.  Best, absolute best period in my life.  Mine was not an escape, unless you consider boredom something akin to a prison.  Mine was pure wanderlust.  I wanted to go where I had never been.

 

I think yours is probably a combo of wanderlust and escape.

 

Open the first chapter having in mind your last

 

 

[PhillyB]

this is exactly what i needed. you guys are awesome.

 

as a reader you're presumably going to have an idea of what the book is about before buying it or reading it… if it's big enough the notoriety will give you context clues ("have you read that travelogue that's so popular") or reviews or the title or cover or the section of the bookstore it's in. book jackets do a lot: if the title and subtitle and cover and the section it's in (travel, presumably) draw you in, and then you read the summary on the back, you've already initially entered into a world and not as much needs to be explained off the bat. the entire premise of the book (and a considerable part of the marketing/taglines, i would imagine) is that this is a book about a guy who did something extraordinary: dropped everything on a whim and went to australia with a backpack and a bicycle. and the story just goes on from there, wandering throughout southeast asia, etc.

 

so when i talk about those first few chapters being critical, i mean it in the sense that you, as a reader, are entering into this book knowing you're going to be reading about me going to australia. and if you're going to sit through a couple chapters of descriptions of my musings and happenings as i wander the coast on a bike, which, in a vacuum, sounds pretty languid as a topic, than you'd damn well better have good reason. and that's why my strategy is to make you, as a reader, feel immediately invested in me as the protagonist: so that you're not seeing australia and the impending events through your eyes, but through mine.

 

thus it is very important to develop myself precisely, because i am your lens to the world for the next two hundred pages.

 

with this all in mind, again, i ask: does the first few chapters collectively invest you in me as a character? am i hitting the right notes? do you want to see australia through my eyes and see where my adventure takes me? stirs, you mentioned resolving issues, and that's a main theme: this book, broken down to its most elementary forms, is a rising series of conflicts and subsequent resolutions. these conflicts are woven throughout the tapestry of the story, surfacing in various places and providing texture to the journey, a transcendent purpose.

[PhillyB]

I agree with Darth that there needs to be more of a purpose set out for the book.  Title alone might set the course, but what are you trying to convey?  Are you running toward Australia or as far away as you can from something else?

 

I did not like the first chapter nearly as much as I liked the next two.  First chapter seemed to draw many conclusions, which might have no ultimate redeeming quality as far as your trek, but, could as Monsta said, lose some of your audience.  Sometimes you can say things without saying them

 

this was the most interesting commentary to me and i think hit on a number of things i'm trying to work on. i mentioned context and marketing - as a reader you're going to have a lot of the basic questions answered before you ever start reading it, as i mentioned above. you go into it simply knowing that i'm going to australia.

 

as you read, it's revealed through the first couple of chapters that my decision to go is prompted by (to sum it up) a shifting of worldviews from materialism and a culture of opulence to realizing the emptiness of all that and pursuing pure experience. in that sense it's a pilgrimage.

 

that's bold part above: that's the goal of those first couple chapters, ultimately: to provide you, as briefly but as colorfully as possible, the story of who i was and then who i became and how i came to be that way, all of which prefaces my decision to go to australia. at the end of those chapters i go.

 

do i seamlessly and effectively provide my old mentality, the conflicts i faced, and the way they shaped my new mentality, and the burgeoning desire to escape the morass of my materialistic cultural context and do something larger than life, manifested in doing the most drastic thing possible, quitting everything and leaving it all behind?

[Cat]

Darth and Monsta covered the two main things I was thinking when I was reading the chapters. 

 

Only part I got bored during was when you went into mapping out your trip, i found my self skimming. (thought you might want to know that, could just be a me thing)

 

The relational stuff is great.  You dad definitely comes across like an ass hole, which is fine just make sure you're OK with that and let me issue a warning that your wife might not like some of the stuff you say about Sophia specifically when you say I don’t think I had really hit it off with anyone like I did with Sophia. Ever. Again not saying you shouldn't include it, just be ready for the backlash. 

 

 

Good line that brought up a lot of emotion in me- "I was no one’s son and held no one’s expectations; I was Philip Arthur Blattenberger and I was going to go to Australia." 

[TheRumGone]

post.

 

more.

 

chapters.