Captroop

Clearly I missed my calling.

On Groupon Goods today (no shiz):

I just lolled so hard the guy in the next office just knocked on the wall to see what's up.

Yet another thing that doesn't work in real life like it does in movies:

This is a tough situation. My female cousin was a nurse for a quadriplegic boy who was about 16 at the time when she was in college. But apparently he wasn't a quintiplegic ifyoucatchmydrift. And I guess the physical contact from her was too much for a 16-year-old virgin to bear. It was obviously just a natural reaction for a pubescent male, but he also couldn't do anything about it. My cousin used to feel bad for him, and even on occasion thought about "helping him out." My cousin and I have been talking about this, and we considering the idea of either creating a sort of "medical masturbator" or hypothetically, specially trained nurses who do this kind of thing for people in these situations. Purely for medical reasons; prescription manual gratifiers. No house calls for a headache. If you can smoke weed for glaucoma, why can't you hire a hooker for paralysis? Because honestly, imagine if you had no working arms and working junk. It's a fate worse than death.

My fave:

Did I really need to spell out everything in my description? I figured I would leave that as a little surprise for those who took the time to click the link; like a little cream cheese inside of a chocolate cupcake.

Actually my original image was dragon humping a car, but upon unpleasantly closer inspection, there are dragon balls in there that have nothing to do with anime. Better sub it out... But here is the dragon humping a car link: http://25.media.tumblr.com/fa6065c955d7caba4cb0fedd70fde747/tumblr_mmp965vc1w1rhwl4ko1_r3_400.gif

I remember when my dad used to take me seal fishing.

Holy crap. I didn't even think that was possible.

Late-nite TV watchers will know:

As an artist, I can honestly say I wouldn't mind a range of flesh colored pencils and markers, regardless of how racist the packaging is. Beats the hell out of spending 20 minutes picking the right $7 Copic marker that looks like flesh tone to me, coloring in a drawing I've spent 4 hours penciling and inking, and then leaning back and going, "God he looks pink."

For today's installation of cats pwning children:

Yep. Those Europeans actually come up with some damn good beer cocktails. Also like this Belgian Sunrise: Allagash White layered on Framboise.

I invented a new cocktail... I call it a redneck mimosa.

As I've ventured deeper into my mid-20s, the more I see pictures like this, the more I realize I'm wasting my life. Ever since the "Selling all my stuff and moving to Hawai'i" thread, I find myself asking "why the fug not?" all the time.

It's Always Sunny just went up like 3 notches as far as clever writing goes:

You know how they have those fraud detectives who check to see if you are actually injured when you are claiming disability. I think they should have those for medical benefits, and if the detective snaps a photo of you like this, you're inelligible.