Captroop

But but but! Did you know he only ranks 11th in DYAR? For you baboons who don't understand statistics, DYAR is Defense-adjusted Yards Above Replacement. It means controlling for the defenses he faced, how many yards did Cam get versus what a replacement level player would have gotten in the same situation. It's basically a mathematically justifiable "but who did they play really?" argument, which I wouldn't expect you IDIOTS to understand! Dating back to 1989, every QB who was named MVP finished in the top 5 of DYAR. It's an ABSOLUTELY IRREFUTABLE means of determining who the MVP is! I mean, based on that metric alone, one can CLEARLY see that even Matt Stafford is a better candidate for the MVP! And Cam? Ha! Cam has never even finished in the top 10 of this foolproof metric* [*which is an EXCLUSIVE, innovative metric brought to you by the statistical wunderkinds at Sports Outsiders, and is reserved exclusively for use by their audience, and are not meant, under any circumstance to be viewed my mouth-breathers who cannot fathom the algorithms working behind the scenes to bring you such dynamic analysis] So unless this statistic somehow doesn't take into account how Cam Newton plays the position differently from the statuesque QBs who routinely finish in the top 5 DYAR (evidenced by him being the first QB ever with 35 passing TD and 10 rushing TD in a single season) then I think we can all agree that on this basis alone, Cam Newton should NOT be the MVP. No, sorry! Clearly Carson Palmer is the MVP, with his glisteny, shimmery #1 rating in DYAR. I feel sorry for you dullards who actually WATCHED the games! I've got a stat sheet, a TI-83+, and a statistical justification from Sports Outsiders (aka the SMARTEST PEOPLE IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD). If you had come to me first, I could have saved you the time, and just told you who MATH (the language of GOD!@!) says the MVP should be. No go sit in the corner in your little dunce cap and let the REAL FANS (the ones who not only know what sabermetrics are, but have taken the time to point out the obvious flaws in their methodology) talk about what everyone else should REALLY know about football.

Gah-damn! Those first two of Cam look like a Michael Bay movie poster. Beautiful as always!

I like Mariota a lot, and I will enjoy getting to see him play. It's just lucky we are playing him his rookie year, and not year 2. I foresee him having a great game against us statistically, but he's inexperienced and cocky enough to throw in Norman's direction, and ultimately a costly turnover will seal their fate. Won't be a blowout, but winning the turnover battle will get us to 9-0.

Great shots. I actually really like the glamour shots of Rodgers in the mix. He's a great player, and it was a pleasure to watch him operate yesterday. Even in defeat, I'm glad not every picture of him was just scrambling for his life, or crumpled in a fetal position post-sack. He's a player who has earned respect, and I think the shot composition really shows that. Great work as always!

Funchess isn't old enough to get that call.

I want a print of that Davis through the smoke picture! Contest Prize!

Cause they're about taking money, not giving it away. #WWJD

Oh, I do the streaming service through the PS3. I can't get DirecTV in my apartment building because that zone doesn't permit dishes. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to shell out the money just so I have the chance to get Sunday Ticket in the comfort off my home without having to subscribe to cable or satellite.

Not just our WRs. Also our OL.

Forget the black cat superstition, I knew we were in trouble when we dubbed them the Twin Towers or the Two Towers. In either case, it's not a comparison you want to invite. I'm not giving up yet (not least of all because I just DROPPED $260 FRIGGIN BUCKS ON SUNDAY TICKET THIS MORNING!!!) but because I truly believe one of your young guys will step up and make the most of this opportunity. I got faith!

Welp, start getting Funchess some reps with the ones. His great debut in preseason week 1 is so much more important now.

Sadly, I think it's time to un-pin the Post a Pic thread.

Okay, which one of you jackasses was bullying him?

Who are the monsters who leave time on the clock? I hate when I use the microwave in my office kitchen, press a number to express enter the time an nothing happens. Then i realize it's because someone left time on the clock! One if the first world problems i just can't get over.

Just wanted to share this photo from my street on July 4th: First, because it was such an amazing time. I've not been to a fireworks show that I enjoyed more than this; literally hundreds of people lighting off fireworks in the street. There was a fireworks booth at the end of our block, and we just kept that poo going for like 3 hours. Second, because this photo is just so perfectly composed, it looks like something from the cover of a newspaper.

I have a dive watch, and when I wear it, the Bezel must ALWAYS be set at 12. If it's set at 11:59, fug that, I gotta spin it all the way back around and set it at 12. The inscription on my wedding band has to be right, side up when I put it on. Cells in Excel have to be a whole number in width. TV volume is always set in increments of 5. Although clearly that doesn't apply to car radio, because that's usually 11 to 13. But the one I find to be the strangest: I'll spend 30 minutes deciding whether it's worth it to spend the extra money on the $24.99 pair of dress pants at TJ Maxx that I like versus the $18.99 pair that doesn't fit as well, on a pair of pants I'll wear for the next 3 years. But then after that I'll go to a bar and have no hesitation ordering another $6 beer that I'll piss out 20 minutes later.

Okay, I submit this challenge to you all. See if you can understand any of what's being said in this song without looking up the lyrics:

Blinded by the light Revved Wrapped up like a deuce douche Another runner rumor in the night No matter how many I times I hear it, and no matter how certain I am of the real lyrics, I can't hear it any other way. Or more recently: My house in Budapest My hidden treasure chest, Golden grand piano My beautiful CastilloYou You I'd leave it all Ah-doofy-doh.

Archery Tag. This is a thing.

Ugh, I'm not sure I want to experience the digital age's answer to "grunge."

Yeah, Dulles is the money airport in DC. I wouldn't complain. You could be flying out of Reagan, and then you've just got a bagel place, and a magazine stand that sells egg salad sandwiches. Try that for 13 hours.

Just wanted to throw out a quick progress report; yesterday, I bought size 34 Levis jeans. I have been size 36x32 since my growth spurt in high school, with occasional flexing up to size 38 in the winter months. After more than 10 years of this, I honestly thought that no matter how much weight I lost, my waistline could never be smaller than a 36. I can't express in words how excited and happy I was the moment I was able to button those bad boys up! And it's only May! I'm gonna be in the best shape of my life this summer. Hope to flatten out my upper body with cardio, and then pack on some muscle in the weight room. My diet and exercise plan has been the following: Soup or salad rather than a dinner-sized-portion for lunch. The "Game of Thrones" plan: I got an HBO Go account, and have watched every second of Game of Thones while on the elliptical in the gym in my apartment building. It's great incentive to get my ass moving an hour a day. Finally, my wife went vegan about a month ago, and it's so easy to avoid junk food when you aren't mutually enabling each other. Going just by weight, I thought I wasn't making much progress, as I've only lost about 10 pounds according to my scale. But the fact that I can now shop for pants at H&M speaks volume.

That's a fuggin tragic statement. I can't believe that what was once literally the single most important aspect of the genre has taken a back seat to something that can be done by Skrillex. Go listen to the Marshall Mathers LP (it blows my mind that you were 2 years old when it came out), Illmatic, Minstrel Show, and College Dropout. Like right now. Drop everything and go do it. My goodness. That's literally a "kids these day!" moment for me.